Balance

Any thing in life requires hard work and dedication. Dancing in pointe shoes requires a bit more, because they have a potential for danger in them. When improperly used, anything from blisters to broken bones can occur. But when used correctly, they become a cultural and artistic icon, a dream to aspire to.

You have to be aware of the different parts of a pointe shoe in order to use them correctly. The elastics have to be tight, the ribbons secure. The box will wear out differently than the shank, and each individual may have different requirements for the vamp and heel. Every foot is unique, and shoes are shaped to the foot.

But there are general elements of correct pointe shoe use. Everyone has to spend time in their shoes. They have to be familiar and pliable. Stiff shoes don't make a happy dancer.

Perhaps the two biggest requirements for correct pointe dancing is strength and flexibility. If these are missing, it is simply not safe to dance en pointe. That's why pointe work doesn't begin until the dancer's feet are fully prepared. If strength is missing, the dancer simply cannot get up on the platform on their shoes. Flexibility contributes to this also. If the foot is not flexible enough, the same occurs. And dancing on the edge is dangerous.

Flexibility and strength are important in life also. Things rarely go how we plan. You have to be flexible enough to adapt to your new circumstances, while strong enough to maintain a hold on your values, goals and identity. It's a difficult balance to find. But no more difficult to find the platform, right? Probably 2-3 inches to stand on. For extended periods of time. That can't possibly be more difficult than things we encounter in life. It just takes practice. No dancer can dance like a prima ballerina the first time they wear pointe shoes. Or even after a few years. It takes a lifetime to find this balance.

Earlier this week I got permission from my mission president to take my pointe shoes on my mission. I leave in eight days for the MTC. That is going to be the biggest change of my life. I have to work to find my balance in a new place. But I'll have my pointe shoes with me to remind me to find the pointe, the place where I can balance.

Performance

A few nights ago was my last recital with Dance Concepts. Months and months of practice and training all ended in just over two minutes on stage. And as I mentioned in a previous post, this is absolutely terrifying to me.

Technically, I didn't have to be ready and backstage more than five minutes before I performed. I was there almost an hour before. I wanted this dance to be perfect - I knew if I messed up I would agonize over it for a long time. Probably until my chance at redemption just under two years away. This would be my last chance to really dance until my mission was over. It HAD to be perfect.

Backstage, I did everything I could to prepare. I warmed up, stretching muscles and feet to their limits. Then I ran my entire dance multiple times, stopping every time something went wrong. I repeated that move until I could do it right every time. 

During my rehearsal, many other dancers cycled through the stage area. I knew many of the younger dancers were watching me. I mean come on. I was in pointe shoes. To them, I was the ultimate example of a ballerina - I had the shoes and the tutu. I had come to embody the dream I had as a little girl. I hoped I was planting that dream in these little girls. 

One of my favorite feelings is standing behind the curtain, preparing to step out on stage. All the nerves I feel gather in my stomach and change. As I walk out, I'm suddenly not nervous anymore. This may sound cheesy, but I'm at home on the stage. Whatever happens out there, I am a dancer. It's where I'm comfortable.

I'll spare the blow-by-blow account of my performance. But I could not have danced any better. These pictures show the start and end of this dance. My curtsey was a moment of triumph. I had poured everything I had into my movement, and I had succeeded. 

Despite the many ways this dance could have gone wrong (see Pointe Shoes), I was able to pull strength from within myself. Months ago, I set a goal. Hard work does pay off. The journey was not easy. I changed sections of my dance, I had to alter my costume, I had to work through injury and blisters.

But in the end, I got there. I performed to the standard I had set for myself. Life too is a performance. There are times when everyone is looking at you, watching to see if you can do it. But all this time, you are also practicing. Life is a stage, but it is still the studio. Even professional ballerinas spend their days in the studio before they perform on stage. They still practice and strengthen and sometimes fail. But the pointe is that nobody starts out perfect. It is the search for perfection that eventually gets you there.

Pointe Shoes

Something absolutely terrifying (at least for me) is doing a Pointe solo on stage. So many things can go wrong. The stage could be slick. The music could glitch. Costume malfunction. I don't have control over those. Or the problem could all be my fault. I might fall out of my turns. Maybe my ribbons will come loose. Or I could fail to get up on my pointe. 

Getting up on my pointe is complex. Sometimes the movement is slow and controlled, other times swift and powerful. But regardless of speed, the technique required is the same. It involves rolling through my foot up onto my toes, passing through demi-pointe every time. Other movements involve stepping directly onto my pointe, requiring immediate balance and strength. Standing on my toes for long periods of time requires determination and focus.

And sometimes the amount of focus I have doesn't matter. My muscles can give out at random moments, spasming or just not having the strength to hold my body weight. Pointe shoes also break down over time. The glue softens, fabric tears and ribbons fray. And eventually the shoe loses all integrity and is not longer in a condition to dance in without breaking your ankle. 

Life is like dancing in pointe shoes on stage. We could slip, trip, fall or stumble. Our music might not be there when we need it. Our stage may not be ideal conditions for our best performance. Our strength may fail, our muscles give out, our bones fracture. Our shoes may let us down from time to time. But through it all, we dance. Beauty is created, inner strength and endurance is found, and we do what we love. 

If life is like dancing on stage, we as individuals can also be compared to pointe shoes themselves. As children of our Heavenly Father, we are designed in his image, in a specific pattern and style. We are designed to survive the trials of the world. Pointe shoes are created to hold the entire body weight of the dancer, as well and support and preserve the structure of the foot.

No two pointe shoes are exactly the same either. While brands create similarities, each shoe is handcrafted and may have any number of unique characteristics. Shoes may differ even further. They can be decorated, written on, and colored. The shoes can reflect the personality of the dancer, or the character they play in a performance. Pointe shoes are so much more that a tool for dancing. They become a dancer's best friend. 

I'm sure in time I can find more ways my life experiences relate to dance. But whatever the experience, dance will help me to find the meaning. To find the pointe, if you will. In life we must search for the ways to overcome our challenges and recover from mistakes and slip ups. Dance is not the only aid though. We have the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is our constant companion, our guide and helper. Life needs direction, and it helps us find the pointe.