Performance

A few nights ago was my last recital with Dance Concepts. Months and months of practice and training all ended in just over two minutes on stage. And as I mentioned in a previous post, this is absolutely terrifying to me.

Technically, I didn't have to be ready and backstage more than five minutes before I performed. I was there almost an hour before. I wanted this dance to be perfect - I knew if I messed up I would agonize over it for a long time. Probably until my chance at redemption just under two years away. This would be my last chance to really dance until my mission was over. It HAD to be perfect.

Backstage, I did everything I could to prepare. I warmed up, stretching muscles and feet to their limits. Then I ran my entire dance multiple times, stopping every time something went wrong. I repeated that move until I could do it right every time. 

During my rehearsal, many other dancers cycled through the stage area. I knew many of the younger dancers were watching me. I mean come on. I was in pointe shoes. To them, I was the ultimate example of a ballerina - I had the shoes and the tutu. I had come to embody the dream I had as a little girl. I hoped I was planting that dream in these little girls. 

One of my favorite feelings is standing behind the curtain, preparing to step out on stage. All the nerves I feel gather in my stomach and change. As I walk out, I'm suddenly not nervous anymore. This may sound cheesy, but I'm at home on the stage. Whatever happens out there, I am a dancer. It's where I'm comfortable.

I'll spare the blow-by-blow account of my performance. But I could not have danced any better. These pictures show the start and end of this dance. My curtsey was a moment of triumph. I had poured everything I had into my movement, and I had succeeded. 

Despite the many ways this dance could have gone wrong (see Pointe Shoes), I was able to pull strength from within myself. Months ago, I set a goal. Hard work does pay off. The journey was not easy. I changed sections of my dance, I had to alter my costume, I had to work through injury and blisters.

But in the end, I got there. I performed to the standard I had set for myself. Life too is a performance. There are times when everyone is looking at you, watching to see if you can do it. But all this time, you are also practicing. Life is a stage, but it is still the studio. Even professional ballerinas spend their days in the studio before they perform on stage. They still practice and strengthen and sometimes fail. But the pointe is that nobody starts out perfect. It is the search for perfection that eventually gets you there.